THE EMPEROR WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES

We are all familiar with the traditional version of, The Emperor Without Any Clothes by Hans Christian Anderson. Here is the American version.

Once upon a time there was a king by the name of George without any clothes. He summoned the finest tailors of the realm to create the most splendid suit of clothes every seen. Not satisfied with what they offered he relied on his old friends and comrades, who were in no way tailors, to create the fantasy that King George and his suit of clothes would become and made his most trusted but debased friend Karl head tailor.

After many payoffs to the richest of the realm at the expense of the poorest, Karl called for the emperor to try on his new clothes. At first the emperor didn’t see any clothes but when Karl told him to look and held out his hand for King George to take them, George saw their finery and was amazed at the brilliance of his tailors.

Not wanting to waste a minute, King George strode off into the bright sunshine to show his new set of clothes to his subjects.  His subjects were shocked to see the king walking in the bright sunlight and to see that his…well…his unmentionable parts were becoming sunburned. But as King George strutted to and fro and his tailors marveled at his new clothes his more faith-filled subjects; we shall call them conservative Republicans, saw the brilliant new clothes the tailors had created and became blinded by them.

However, things did not go well for King George. After all, he wasn’t very smart and his advisors, like his non-tailor tailors, were no better.  It was not long before George, against the prohibition of the United Nations, started a war he could not win.

Yet, George enjoyed his walks in the sunshine where he strutted about preening his splendid new set of clothes seeking the adulation of his subjects. The only problem with such walks was that they became more and more painful as his…well…you know what became more and more sunburned to the point it was no longer functional.

Then one day King George decided to address his subjects. This was such an important address that the king had his best friends Tony and Dick beside him. Tony and Dick were dressed in their best suit of clothes but the king’s clothes were of such brilliance none could compare.

As the crowd of his loyal subjects gathered and King George began to speak, a small boy – we shall call him a liberal Democrat – pushed to the front of the crowd. He stared at the king and couldn’t believe his eyes. He began to giggle, then he chuckled, finally he laughed out loud. The crowed gasped as the small boy pointed and shouted, “Look, King George isn’t wearing any clothes and his…well…you know what is so sunburned it has shriveled to the size of a pea!”

The crowed stood in stunned silence. Then they began to giggle, then chuckle, and then they laughed at the king pointing their fingers and shouting, “Look, King George isn’t wearing any clothes and his…well…you know what is so sunburned it has shriveled to the size of a pea!”

With that, they hoisted the small boy on their shoulders and feeling the liberation of freedom from the tyranny of King George, carried him off shouting, “Long live the little boy! Long live liberal Democrats!”

As for King George, he slowly walked back to his big white house on the hill. As Tony and Dick trailed behind him they heard him mutter to himself, “I’m the decider. I’m the decider.” But as he looked down at his…well… you know what, George had to admit that it didn’t work any more and it had shriveled to the size of a pea.